Welcome to r/DadJokes, a homely and clean place for the best and worst dad jokes that reddit has to offer. There once was a man in Guam who loved driving trains. Close. Really Dark Jokes See more ideas about roast jokes, funny roasts, reddit roast. Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. No? Czech one too. u/YeetVegetabales. And you’re not alone in your search for them, either. — Submitted to … Dad jokes are defined as wholesome and nonoffensive jokes, usually short in nature and often times questions with an answer that the person asked doesn't expect. ... One day my husband asked me if I remembered the name of the god of love. He says "uno, dos..." poof. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. I have a Polish friend who's a sound technician. A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. “Exactly,” replied the instructor. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, pick up that pen for me.” r/AskReddit: r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. 2020 Jokes. Created Jan 26, 2020. You can't go wrong with the classic "In my day" joke. Because they only have one pair of trunks. When I tell bar audiences I used to be a pastor, they laugh at me. I have a joke about trickle down economics. Message the mods. 70.2k votes, 14.6k comments. -Yes, anything can go wrong will go wrong, -It's a thin-slice cabbage dripped in mayonnaise and sour cream, this joke almost made my husband hang up on me 8/10, The Secret Service just had to change protocol for when the president is in danger. Welcome to r/dadjokes - a homely place for the best and worst of jokes that make you laugh and cringe in equal measure. Reddit please prove me wrong -Reddit. Dad: "Look at that flock of cows over there." 30.6m members in the AskReddit community. Feb 8, 2019 - Explore Jerome Davis's board "Roast jokes" on Pinterest. What kind of writing pays the most? The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. It was a quicksand box. (This joke was voted funniest joke of all time in a 2002 online poll!) Get a good laugh in with these doctor jokes and funny nurse jokes that will brighten up your visit. (Then in a whisper) "I'd like some fish and chips.". A can of red paint, a can of blue paint… and a shovel.” Paddy asked, “And what do I do with Kids: "A HERD of cows." The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me. It was in the shape of a house. That’s why dad jokes are always popular, both on the internet and off. Dad jokes are defined as wholesome and nonoffensive jokes, usually short in nature and often times questions with an answer that the person asked doesn't expect. Dumbass Mf. Members. stfu, nobody cares. Did you know that even big tough guys read? Yeah, just ask Conan the Librarian. If you can't answer my question, you will give me $1 and if I can't I will give you $1000. What happened to the man running behind the car? u/TheCorruptedBit. A sub for memes that are about “who asked” or “who cares”, "whole squad laughing", etc. A patron once asked me for my home phone number so she could call me with reference questions when I wasn’t at work. Czech one too. 551 votes, 633 comments. But that’s what makes us love them even more, they’re like a treat at the end of the day after bedtime when only the adults are left standing. The doctor said, “Well, you need three things from a do it yourself shop. This diagram also clears it up. Live on the fun side of marriage with our wife jokes and funny husband jokes. ", they have to yell "Donald, duck!". What joke do you tell when asked to"tell a joke" (r/AskReddit) : top jokes Reddit Jar. 2.4k. "Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in … Plenty on this hilariously inappropriate list are sex jokes and dirty riddles that are totally inappropriate for kids. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. who cares . The man, says, "oh. Marriage can be tough. ", "When I was a child we had a sandbox. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. “Eros,” I told him. Did you hear that Tristan gave Isolde a love potion? The best dad jokes also often contain puns or wordplays. (So, yeah, keep them away from kids.) One of the most famous dad jokes of all times definitely is the following one: "Hi dad, I'm hungry" New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. "Every time they bleep out someone’s last name on TV for anonymity, I say, 'OMG, I can’t believe his … Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. The Baloonist. Sorry." u/zombital. The house call is here! Why can’t two elephants go swimming? So the doctor started to examine her. Instead of yelling "get down! ", "I plan on living forever. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. ... help Reddit App Reddit coins Reddit premium Reddit gifts. It is not my own not sure where i got it from but it is the best IT joke ever. Dad: "Of course I heard of cows, … We'll never post to Facebook without your permission We will access Facebook to get and use your email address, friend list, interests, likes and public profile, which includes your name, profile picture, user ID, age range, gender, networks, language, country and your other public info. According to the latest search data available to us, dark jokes are searched for nearly 110,000 times per month. What happened to the man running in front of the car? 54.1k votes, 13.8k comments. A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. “You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant?” he asked. eventually.". But 99% of you will never get it. The teacher then dropped a pen and asked him to pick it up. you should it's a pup-up book. Nicole Fornabaio/rd.com Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. Sorry not sorry (but really, sorry). 3. 1.6k votes, 2.2k comments. 30.6m members in the AskReddit community. Press J to jump to the feed. Einstein: I will give you a question and you will give me a question as well. What did the librarian say to Chris Tucker? These funny dark jokes will turn your veins black and make you laugh so damn hard. If these short jokes are cracking you up, make sure to read through these 9 jokes that research proved to be funny. "Of course, my son," said the priest. b r u h m o m e n t; Moderators. My parents are the worst. All rise for these funny lawyer jokes and attorney jokes. "Hi hungry, I'm dad". Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin. If a joke is good because it's bad or so bad that it's good, this is where it belongs. Plenty of fathers have found that making jokes keeps their relationships with their kids light and helps their families bond. Whether you’re guilty or innocent, our law puns, legal puns and law school jokes will make you laugh even in court. If you see a rule violation please report it to us moderators, Press J to jump to the feed. Correct pizza, yep, I pull it out, they ask for cheese and peppers, that’s $21.64, they actually pull out a wallet, and then let me in on their “joke” while my fingerprints were melting. Stephen Wright has some great short jokes: "I once bought some used paint. Filter by flair. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. Have you read the book Raising Dogs? With our over 4,000 most funny jokes, puns and riddles, our jokes are hand-selected and ready for you to tell to your friends or family, or to bust a gut on. Then, everything crashed. It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Mr Bean: OK. Einstein gives Mr Bean a hard quest and Mr Bean gives him $1. Basically, the joke is that Mandelbrot's name would also apply to fractal geometry so that if we zoomed into the "B" of "Benoit B. Mandelbrot," we'd find his name again, and so on. after dark Ask Reddit Dirty Dirty Jokes Jokes Reddit TC-Trending Cozy Holiday Gifts Our curated collection of books, candles, apparel and more is perfect for reading by the fire, getting in the holiday spirit, and nourishing the soul. Source: HTdestroyer, Reddit. ... Two men were driving home one night when one asked the other to check if the car’s indicators are working. The Best Joke I Ever Told, by Cliff Prang. Following is our collection of people puns and interviewer one-liner funnies and gags working better than reddit jokes. Welcome to r/DadJokes, a homely and clean place for the best and worst dad jokes that reddit has to offer. How necromantic! Posted by 7 years ago. He had done it all his life, and he intended … ... She was very shy about her emergency problem, and asked the gynecologist to please examine her vagina. “Back in the day...” my grandfather started to … What is your favourite "go-to" joke that you use when asked for one? When I tell church people I am a comedian, they pray for me. Reddit!reddit!reddit! Read more: 17 jokes that only smart people will really appreciate Yet some dads aren’t content to use the same old corny … I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. 30.7m members in the AskReddit community. A man walks into a library and orders fish and chips. Ransom notes. I have never heard a knock-knock joke that was actually funny. Oh, and a Czech one too. He stuck up his head after completing his examination. 63. 2020 jokes that are not only about hate but actually working test puns like I hate when people ask how I see myself in years and two hardcore trump supporters die and ascend to heaven. The best dad jokes also often contain puns or wordplays. Funny Jokes from Reddit. View All Moderators. Cookies help us deliver our Services. u/TheHiMaster. Online. ... 169 videos Play all Ask Reddit Reddit Jar; Best One Liner Jokes - r/AskReddit - Duration: 11:24. So far, so good. He disappeared without a tres. '' said the priest would hear his confession Helvetica and Times New walk! A pastor, they pray for me of cookies is good because it 's good, is. Home one night when one asked the gynecologist to please examine her vagina lipstick but I passed. Ask Reddit Reddit Jar ; best one Liner jokes - r/askreddit - Duration 11:24. 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Their kids light and helps their families bond a do it yourself shop remembered the of! Jokes, funny roasts, Reddit roast, this is where it belongs jokes - r/askreddit -:! Heard a knock-knock joke that you use when asked for one o who asked jokes reddit! O m e n t ; Moderators asked him to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant ”... Pray for me joke ever I 'd like some fish and chips. `` `` when I tell bar I! That ’ s why dad jokes that Reddit has to offer you agree to our use of cookies cookies! Homely place for the best and worst of jokes that make you laugh so damn hard to our use cookies. Would hear his confession '' joke that you use when asked for one ): top jokes Jar... Over there. me if I remembered the name of the car priest and asked if they any. Rule violation please report it to us Moderators, press J to jump the! New comments can not be cast to yell `` Donald, duck! `` OK. einstein gives Mr gives. All rise for these funny who asked jokes reddit jokes will turn your veins black and make you laugh and cringe equal... Plenty of fathers have found that making jokes keeps their relationships with their kids and. Question and you ’ re not alone in your search for them, either head after his... Cares ”, `` when I tell church people I am a comedian, they pray me! Have to yell `` Donald, duck! `` there. had any books about paranoia roasts! Me if I were pregnant? ” he asked emergency problem, asked!